Volume 6: Welcome to the 2nd Trimester!

Guys, go grab a beer, smoke a cigar, slap mama on the butt, you need to celebrate!  You’ve successfully made it through the first 3 months of her being crazy without running southbound into northbound traffic.  Now you have 3 months where’s she’s only a little bit crazy, before the last 3 months when she’s really crazy again.  Ok, ok…..I know she’s not ACTUALLY crazy…..get your panties out of a wad.  She’s just pregnant and emotionally…..unstable.  Even though you know that, you’re still going to have days when you have thoughts, like, “I’ve got that $5,000 in my savings account.  I bet that I could move into a little hut on a quiet little beach in Mexico and live forever”.  That exchange rate is the bomb. But, of course, you aren’t going to do that.  Are you….

funny-pregnancy-announcements-15 Continue reading Volume 6: Welcome to the 2nd Trimester!

Volume 7: The 3rd Trimester: aka “The 9th Circle of Hell”

Well….I’ve got some good news and some bad news.  The good news is, you are 2/3 of the way through the 40 longest weeks of your entire existence.  Nice work, bro.  The bad news is…..there’s still 3 months of complete hellish nightmares ahead of you that would make Dante himself cower in fear.  And even though you have come, oh, so far…..the next 13-ish weeks will feel like a lifetime.  Like…a Galapagos Tortoise’s lifetime.  Look it up, or watch Animal Planet.  They live forever.  It’s gettin’ ready to get REAL.

3rd trimester turtle Continue reading Volume 7: The 3rd Trimester: aka “The 9th Circle of Hell”

Volume *: T-Minus…OHMYGAWDGETTHISBABYOUTTAME

OMG……you’re down to the last couple of weeks!!!

 

You’ve survived through nearly 9 months of your baby mama’s craziness, moodiness, fatigue, starvation, weird cravings, “pregnant brain” and bawling fits that make absolutely no sense.  To you, anyways.  Or anyone else.  You’ve made midnight runs for crazy food, you’ve rubbed backs, feet, necks and legs.  You’ve said “baby, you do not look fat, you look beautiful”, no less than 1,000 times…..at least I hope you have.  You’ve gone to work with bloodshot eyes because she can’t get comfortable in bed.  You may have pulled some double duty on daddy stuff with the other kids, too, because she’s been tired or hurting or just hasn’t felt like it.   You’ve spent the last 30-something weeks dreaming about this baby.  Holding it, kissing it, squeezing it, staring at it. My bet is, if you’re like me, that you are dreaming about something else now, too……and that’s mama NOT being pregnant anymore. Continue reading Volume *: T-Minus…OHMYGAWDGETTHISBABYOUTTAME